i think if i won an emmy or oscar, instead of saying that i was speechless, i just wouldnt say anything. i dont mean that i would just get up to the stage take my award and run. NAY! i would go up to the stage, accept my award, clear my throat in the mic and stand there, bright hot lights shining down on me. i would glance to the left… and then to the right… as i, once and for all, showed hollywood how to remain speechless.

in other news, i would win an award for best performance in an acceptance speech.